How to Talk to Family About Holiday Gifts-Without Starting a Feud

We all love generous grandparents and enthusiastic aunts and uncles — but when the holidays turn into a mountain of toys, clothes, and “stuff,” it can be overwhelming for both parents and kids. The good news? You can set boundaries around gifting without hurting feelings — it just takes a little intention and a lot of kindness. Here are a few ways to start the conversation before the wrapping paper takes over:

Frame It Around Values, Not Rules

Instead of saying “please don’t buy them so many toys,” try:

“This year, we’re trying to focus more on experiences and less on stuff — we’re really working on teaching the kids about gratitude and quality over quantity.”

This keeps the conversation warm and positive, and helps family members understand the why behind your request.

Offer a Wish List with Limits

Help redirect the giving energy by creating a simple wish list. You can guide family members toward open-ended toys that encourage creativity, a few high-quality items vs. many small ones, and things your child truly needs or will use for a long time

You can even say:

“They really don’t need much, but if you’re looking for ideas, here are a few thoughtful things they’d love and use.”

Suggest Experience Gifts

Encourage gifts that don’t take up space but create memories, like:

• A museum membership

• Movie or zoo passes

• Tickets to a show or concert

• A “grandparent date” or activity together

• Subscription boxes (books, crafts, science kits)

This lets family be generous and contribute to connection — not clutter. I create a clutter free gift guide each year with lots of clutter -free gift ideas! Search "gift guides" on my website.

Set a Gifting Guideline (Especially for Big Families)

If you have a large extended family, propose a gentle structure:

• A “Secret Santa” system among cousins

• The “Want, Need, Wear, Read” approach

• A 2-gift max per household

Let them know you’re trying to keep the holidays more meaningful — not minimal for the sake of it, but intentional.

Lead by Example

If you’re giving gifts to nieces/nephews, stick to the same values: quality over quantity, experience over excess. It sets the tone and helps normalize smaller, more thoughtful gifting.

You’re not being rude — you’re being intentional! You’re not trying to be ungrateful or kill the holiday spirit — you’re trying to protect your space, your sanity, and your kids’ long-term relationship with “stuff.” A thoughtful, respectful conversation before the holidays can go a long way in setting the tone — and making the season feel more joyful for everyone. And if grandma and grandpa still don't listen, keep the excess toys at THEIR house 😉